When you were 18, what did you want to be when you "grew up"?
My adult life began with a video camera. I received it as a gift when I graduated from high school. It was something I really, really wanted. After 18 years of quietly watching the people around me, I wanted to tell their stories, and mine too. I wanted to make films.
I also wanted to study marine biology, continue making art, be a mom and deliver babies at home as a midwife. As one of my friends has pointed out, I wanted to be over-worked and exhausted... but I'm ambitious.
Unfortunately, I was "ambitious" but lost. I've been watching the raw footage I collected that first year with my video camera. I went to the local city college and joined the theater there, spent a lot of time just hanging out with my friends drinking too much coffee and really didn't think about much beyond the moment in front of me. But, I managed to capture many moments that happened in front of me within a youth subculture in the mid 90s. That's kind of fun to think about, you know?
The main stars of my videos tended to be my girlfriend (Tracy), my best friends (Jonathan & Janise), and the rest of the "Tower Rats" (not this kind), a bunch of misfit youth who spent their days drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes in Fresno's artsy Tower District, who I spent all of my free time with. They were artists, musicians, poets and amazing people who were just as lost as me, give or take a bit, but talented and underappreciated all around. I loved them.
Fast forward 17 years to now. Almost divorced with two kids and an undiagnosed disability that is slowly testing my sanity, I am still ambitious. I have a full homestead that includes 11 animals in the middle of urban Oakland's Fruitvale district. I am working on my doula certification, looking into grad school for a degree in art therapy, raising two very different high maintenance kids, testing the waters as a writer through this blog experiment, working as a self-employed seamstress, knitting like crazy and offering lessons and then I pick up these tapes again and start watching them... I start setting up the means to finally edit them and upload them to the internet... and I am reconnecting to a lot of those people again (thanks Facebook)... and I remember why I wanted to make films.
It's kind of like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".
So, what do you do if your dreams require cloning yourself in order to achieve them?
What do you dream about? Are you living your dream? If not, why not? You may never get another chance than right now.