Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Temporarily Less Abled

I'm in week three of a flare up of what may or may not be MS. I'm beginning to actually think it started further back as there were milder symptoms happening that I didn't take much note of as I was very busy getting ready for our Beltaine celebration. It wasn't until the guests were going home after a glorious weekend that my symptoms got bad enough to give me a wake up call. I went to the emergency room on the first Monday in May because I could not move my toes and foot, though my senses seemed fully intact. The doctors ordered an MRI and gave me a referral to neurology as well as an Rx for Gabapentin and then sent me home. A week later I was worse and collapsing every time I tried standing for very long. I couldn't walk very well or drive at all. The fatigue was getting severe. I went back to the ER and was admitted to the hospital for a couple days. They did an MRI of my entire spine. The preliminary report seems to have shown nothing significant on the MRI but my experience with these things tells me it takes longer to read an MRI entirely. I am sure I will get more details at my neuro appt on the 26th. Until then, I can't drive, can't walk very far and am able to only get a little bit done each day. To top it off, it is now raining here.

So how do I get my work done? Well, Jamie, my devoted partner, has taken on the responsibility of getting most of my in town errands done for me. So now along with working full time, he checks the mail, gets groceries and does the laundry. He also picks up my prescription and anything else I need from town. I can't walk the dog very far so the kids and Jamie have taken over that responsibility entirely. This is rough since the puppy doesn't really mind Terran at all. The gardening is barely getting done and there is so much that needs doing! I am trying to focus on the sewing jobs I have waiting that were neglected while I was in the hospital. If I take it easy and break the jobs down into parts, I can get them done without feeling overwhelmed. I just need to give myself time to nap and understand that the hour or two before I take my next pill are going to hurt a bit more than other times of the day.

I really wish I knew when this flare up was going to end. I am starting to feel better but I have also had my Gabapentin dose doubled and have added magnesium and potassium supplements to my daily vitamins. I feel wobbly and shaky when I walk around and I still feel I need my wheelchair for events like the upcoming Maker Faire that we are planning to go to. Suddenly, just getting to the bathroom is a huge ordeal for me. I am scared and concerned that I will need to make decisions about changing the way that my family is living so that I can do more to take care of them even when I am temporarily less abled than usual. It's sort of like a tornado has hit my life. A tornado that comes around occasionally, unexpectedly, without calling ahead or letting me know when it plans to move on. I never know what sort of damage it will leave behind it, either. My last major flare up left me with much more need of a cane for assistance on a regular basis. What's next?

If this is MS or if it isn't, I hope we soon know. I am incredibly grateful for my partner who supports me, stands by me through all of this, defends me, takes on my work when I can't do it and trusts me that I will not purposely overburden him. It is with this sort of love, both from my partner as well as from my amazingly resilient children, that I will get through this. <3

3 comments:

  1. Damn girl. You are a brave soul. My prayers are with you for healing.

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  2. All aspects smell of authenticity . That's the way , ' Gypsy-soul'.

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